Updated: Sep 27, 2019
"True, nothing is wrong to speak up for yourself and showing your emotions, but in the extent of another's feeling, that is not the act of a truly loving person."
We constantly look for love throughout our life, oftentimes throwing ourselves at hurtful and destructive relationships, even though it’s for a dysfunctional version of love and belonging.
Along the way, we forget who we are and the reason we are here. Love is such a common word - we use it daily - but this concept of love and belonging we misunderstand dramatically.
Love and a sense of belonging are friends. They exist in the same norm and both are important to us and our spiritual growth. Decades ago we invented the Internet with a dream of connecting people in the world at a faster stage. But, with overwhelming connection 24/7 every single day we feel lonelier than ever. Why is that? Have you ever wondered where is this deep dark hole of loneliness coming from and how to feel less lonely?
I’d love to share with you all a few ideas about how to feel more connected and less lonely.
DON'T CHANGE WHO YOU ARE JUST TO FIT IN!
As a child, I always wondered why some people didn’t want me. Like my father, he wanted me to be a baby boy and I tried so hard and even at one point, I thought of myself as a boy. I dressed like boys, acted like one, tried my best to replicate an image of the opposite sex. But in the end, I still feel a lack of his love and feel even more isolated. Plus, I thought about myself as a loser, you know how that goes.
This is one in a million stories about how much influence other opinions have on us. This results in us forcing ourselves into relationships, any kind of relationship by changing the core of who we really are. All of that for what we call love, relationship, and belonging - or at least that is what we think we are doing.
When it seems like the answer to finding true love and belonging lies in the art of "blending in," the fact is true love and belonging is the art of "standing out".
TRUE BELONGING MEANS BELONGING TO YOURSELF AND NO ONE ELSE.
The fact that even after I determined to act like a boy to please my dad, he still wouldn't give me more love or attention, and it proved one thing: it wasn't anything wrong with me, it was him that was incapable of practicing love and compassion towards me. If he won't love me for who I am, he will never love me. So, I decided to show him who I really am by living true to myself as a strong, loving and caring human being. Ever since then, there is no boy or girl, only me.
Once I discovered who I am and who I want to be, I felt connected to myself and others.
Embracing your authentic self is effectively changing your perspective about love and belonging. Instead of being a needy individual who is ready to fall for anyone or anybody at any given moment just to catch something similar to love but not love, similar to belonging but far from perfection.
I became aware that my true power is in an act of courageously raising my own voice, being heard and "standing out." True belonging and feeling of loving happen when we stop trying to prove our self-worth and trying to belong to something or someone. Allow yourself to enjoy life and your true color. Stop worrying if people will love you and start to believe that people love you and that you deserve their love!
STAYING TRUE TO YOURSELF DOESN'T MEAN TO STOP LEARNING.
A common mistake is we think staying authentic means we never change. Have you ever gotten into a fight and said something hurtful to someone even though you didn't mean it, and then refused to look at your own action and learn from it, thinking "I am being honest and I did nothing wrong by express my feeling!"
True, nothing is wrong to speak up for yourself and showing your emotions, but in the extent of another's feeling, that is not the act of a truly loving person. We always can learn to communicate our thoughts and feeling in healthy ways where we fight for what is right but not at all costs. This is how we truly connect and become the source of love and never have to go anywhere or depend on anyone for the sense of belonging. Staying connected to yourself and keeping your love genuine and authentic is the gateway to never feeling alone again.
What is your own gateway to staying connected and to feel belonging? Don't hesitate to share your own experience.